just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
