and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
