I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
