I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
