My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
