I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
