I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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