Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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