Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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