i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
