Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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