You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
