Christians are straight up FREAKS
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
