where am i from again
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
