The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
