If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
