ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
