first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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