I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
