eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
