Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
