So drunk its hurt
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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