Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize