i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
