so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
