I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
