The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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