got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
