Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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