he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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