So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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