btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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