Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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