WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
