In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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