Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
