just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wear drunk well.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
