hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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