$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
