I take back everything I said about communal showers
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
