I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
