I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
