sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
