were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
