would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
