she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
