i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
