I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
