at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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