my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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