I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I love having hate sex.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
