Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
