clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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