Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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