Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My life is pants optional.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
