Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
