Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
