I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
