The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
