ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
