He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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