I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
