totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
