whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
