I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
