I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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