Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
