Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
